Back when I was still working in the hospitality industry (I was a Master Trainer and HR manager for a global hospitality brand in my first year of "real work"). I had a boss that was… shall we say unpopular. My co-workers (not so much me... I just tolerated her) hated her guts and everyone complained ceaselessly about her.
It got to the point where we couldn’t start a meeting, have lunch, or even go out for happy hour without spending half an hour complaining about her.
There was whining about her attitude, her inability to adapt to the 21st century, her meddling, her being two-faced.... hell, even her hair styles came under fire. But then again, she is the only manager who has ever interviewed me but spent the entire time talking about herself.
But did we ever tell her? Nooooooo! While we were bitching and moaning to ourselves, she blithely went on as usual because no one ever complained to her. Which might’ve made sense when you think about it…
Looking back, I’m not sure that complaining to her would have worked – I think she was incorrigible – but one thing is for damn sure: Out bitching about it, fun though it may have been, did not improve things one little bit.
Fast forward almost 20 years and I'm definitely not that same 20-something. I've lived. I've learned. I've grown. Among many things is that kind of chronic complaining, justified or not, in the workplace leads to no good. In fact, in can be downright toxic and can make a department or even a whole company a terrible place to work.
Here’s why constant complaining is so bad:
1: It makes things look worse than they are When people complain, they focus only on what’s wrong. Things may be mostly fine in the company, but complainers only talk about the problems, annoyances and peeves they perceive.
If things in a company are 80% good and 20% bad and you spend most of your time thinking and talking about the bad 20% – the situation will look a lot worse than it really is.
2: It becomes a habit The more you complain, the easier it gets. In the end, everything is bad, every situation is a problem, every co-worker is a jerk and nothing is good.
The more you focus on the negative, the harder it gets to switch into a positive mindset.
3: You get what you focus on According to Wikipedia, Confirmation bias is:
…a tendency to search for or interpret new information in a way that confirms one’s preconceptions and avoid information and interpretations which contradict prior beliefs.
In other words, what you already believe influences your perception of everything around you. That’s why constant complaining makes you see everything in a negative light, because your subconscious mind tries to make new observation fit with what you already know.
4: It leads to onedownmanship A complaining session might go something like this:
The other day, my boss came in 5 minutes before I was leaving and asked me to finish two huge projects for him. I had to stay two hours and missed my football game. Yeah, well my boss told me to work this weekend AND the next. Hah, that’s nothing! My boss…
This type of interaction rewards the person with the worst story who can complain the loudest. Definitely not healthy...
5: It makes people despondent Not only does constant complaining make you see the workplace as worse than it really is, but because you’re constantly hearing stories of how bad things are and how they’re constantly getting worse it also destroys all hope that things can get better.
This of course makes people less likely to take action to improve their situation, because everybody knows it’s doomed to fail anyway.
6: It kills innovation Because the situations looks so hopeless, people become less creative and innovative. What’s the point of coming up with ideas and implementing them – it’s never going to work anyway.
Also, chronic complainers are the first to shoot down any new idea.
7: It favors negative people The way to get status among complainers is to be the most negative. To be the one who sees everything in the most negative light.
Any attempt to be positive or cheerful will be shot down and optimists will be accused of being Pollyanna, naive and unrealistic.
8: It promotes bad relationships People who complain together unite against the world and can create strong internal relationships based on this. But these relationships are based mostly on negative experiences. Again, that’s not healthy.
It also means that you can only continue to be a part of the group if you can continue to complain, miring you even deeper in a complaint mindset.
9: It creates cliques Being positive, optimistic and appreciative makes you more open towards other people – no matter who they are. It becomes easy to connect to co-workers in other departments, projects or divisions.
Complaining, on the other hand, makes people gather in cliques with their fellow complainers where they can be critical and suspicious of everybody else.
10: Pessimism is bad for you Research in positive psychology has shown that people who see the world in a positive light have a long list of advantages, including:
They live longer.
They have more friends and better social livesThey enjoy life moreThey’re more successful at work.
We sometimes think that pessimists and complainers have the edge because they see problems sooner but the truth is that optimists not only lead better lives, they’re also more successful because they believe that what they’re doing is going to work.
Constant complaining in the workplace is toxic. It can drain the happiness, motivation, creativity and fun from a whole company. Wherever it’s going on it must be addressed and handled properly.
I’m NOT saying that we should never complain at work – quite the contrary. If you see a problem in your workplace, complain to whoever can do something about it.
What we should avoid at all costs, is constant bitching and moaning, where we’re always complaining about the same things, to the same people, in the same way, day in and day out.
So what can we do about it? Well, first of all, each of us can learn to complain constructively. This means learning to complain in a way that leads to the problem being fixed – rather than to more complaining.
Secondly, we can learn to deal with the chronic complainers we meet at work. Unfortunately, our traditional strategies like trying to cheer them up or suggesting solutions for their problems don’t work because complainers aren’t looking for encouragement or solutions. Perhaps I'll write a post on chronic complainers and how to deal with them at work....
Finally, you can train your own ability to be positive. Just like complaining can become a habit, so can being appreciative, optimistic and grateful. Declare today to be a positive day or take a few minutes at the end of every work day to praise a co-worker.